I have finally gotten to the point in my life where I am comfortable sharing the stories of things that I have gone through in my life.
After I got divorced I dated a man that I had known for many years. He had been the best friend of my first boyfriend and had always been nice to me. He (I will call him John) was always there to protect me when my boyfriend abused me. I broke up with my boyfriend and John and I remained friends for years with regular contact on the phone and internet.
I was with him for three months. And this is the story:
I travelled to my home town for a weeks holiday with friends. John lived there and on the first night I went to the nightclub with him. I had paid for a hotel room for the week and had planned on staying there myself. However, John had other plans and that night he threatened to have me bashed by his female friends. He did not leave me alone from that moment on. When the week was up John insisted that I stay with him which meant that I was in his parents house as he still lived at home. It also meant that I missed out on christmas with my family.
Christmas day I got up from a chair outside (next to John) and walked to go to the toilet. Before I knew it John was standing in front of me where he punched me in my chest with both fists. I fell to the ground winded. Apparently I deserved this because I had "apparently' been trying to hit on his brother-in-law who happened to have walked into the house five minutes before me.
Many other disturbing behaviour happened during those two weeks that included him spitting in my face, throwing all of the contents of my suitcase over a vacant block and much more.
Eventually I somehow managed to catch a bus back to a town seven hours away which was where my best friend lived and where I had planned on flying back home. However, John showed up at the front of her house with his brother. He called me to the car where he wanted to talk. I was stupid enought to fall for it and that is when he snatched the necklace I had been wearing (it was given to me by a very close deceased friend) and then punched me in the face.
After this I checked myself into a hotel for the night where I told the owners not to under any circumstance let anyone know what room I was in. At about 5pm I got a knock on the door. It was John. My heart pounded and the room spun. For some reason I knew what was coming and in preperation I took of my rings and bracelet and placed them on the counter. I did not realise I had done this but I only assume I did it so that they did not get caught on anything. As soon as I did that John punched me in the face hard enough to send me to the floor. I got up and John punched me with both fists in the chest and again fell to the floor. I got up again and John punched me in the head about six times. I do not know if I had remained standing during this time, however, I was standing at the end of it. He then sat on the edge of the bed and told me to sit next to him, where he went through my mobile phone. He questioned me about some text messages and then swung around and wrapped his hands around my throat. He sat on top of me and strangled me. The room blurred and I tried to scream. "Shut up or I will kill you" John said. I choked out that I was going to vomit and he let me go. He stayed sitting on top of me and punched me another six time in the face.
I did not know what I looked like but I said to him and repeated it that I needed a doctor and somehow I managed to stop him hitting me. He said he was going to have a shower and he kept the door open so that I could not get out. Thinking now I should have just ran as he would have had to run out naked but then again I don't remember if he had locked the door and had the key.
While John was in the shower I hid my mobile phone in a secret compartment in my suitcase because I knew that if he destroyed it I would not be able to contact anyone. When he asked me about it I said to him that I must have dropped it outside. (During the beating I had been able to manage to get out of the room for a couple of minutes before he dragged me back inside).
He stayed the night and slept beside me. He made me touch him and cuddle him and I felt sick the whole time. The next morning by a miracle he allowed me to catch the shuttle bus to the airport. He took all of my atm cards and money but he let me go through that security gate and onto the plane. At the stop-off I went to the ladies toilets and saw my face for the first time.
I had been wearing sun glasses all day because it was the only way I could see as my forehead and eyes were so swollen they were forced shut and the sunglassed kept the skin high enough for me to see. My whole face was extremely swollen and black. My whole cheeks were black and my neck was also bruised. I got a lot of stares. I felt embarrassed and ashamed. I sat in that airport for seven hours with people staring and pointing before I caught the last plane home to safety .............. or so I thought.
I arrived at home, hugged my three boys, showered and fell asleep. Just over 48 hours later I was woken to approximately 300 missed phone calls and numerous text messages from John. But worse of all I had to explain to my children why my face was "sore". My eldest said that it looked like someone had "smashed mummies face with a rock". It broke my heart. I had only ever intended at spending one week with friends before returning home to spend christmas with my boys (and ex-husband) but instead I got something that would change my life forever.
BACKGROUND
I married my ex-husband at 20yrs old and had three sons with him. We seperated after four years married because we both agreed that our feelings had changed. That we had "grown up" and were better as friends. So we continued living in the same house for the sake of the kids and because of the convenience with work (we both worked in the mines) as someone was always home with the boys (aged 4yrs to 1yr). However, my ex-husband moved into town (I lived half an hour outside of town) to be closer to work and we shared custody of the boys.
I had a check-up at the doctors as a requirement of my employment in the mines the day after I woke. I went in and xrays showed that I had a fractured eye socket as well as a skull fracture. I was too embarrassed to tell the truth so I said that I had been in a car accident whilst on holidays. I am sure that the doctor knew the truth but he did not say anything.
Then I got a phone call from a close friend that I answered only to find out that it was actually John using my friend's mobile. He told me that he was flying down to live with me and that I had better pick him up from the airport or else I was going to be in trouble. I was so terrified. I was so scared that I sat in the same spot for hours trying to figure out the best way to handle the situation that didn't include jumping off a bridge. So I went to the police station. I spoke to a female officer who seemed to be more interested in going for a jog rather than my situation. In the end all she did was take photos after I had INSISTED that she do it in case something happened to me.
Then the dreaded phone call came the next day from John telling me he was at the airport ready to be picked up. He knew my address and the back door could not be locked so I was scared that if I did not pick him up that something would happen. I wish I had done something else other than pick him up...........but I didn't.
That first night was horrid. As soon as we got back to my house (my boys were with my ex-husband) John refused to let me go to the toilet without him standing in the doorway. He said that because he were together I had nothing to hide. When I walked out of the toilet he covered my mouth and forced me to the floor in the hallway. He started kicking me and swearing at me. This lasted for half an hour before he let go and went to bed.
He lived with me for three months. Three months I lived in hell.
He even got a job at my mine site, where I was forced to spend every lunch with him and have my mobile phone turned on which I had to answer without delay. Something that not only was dangerous but could also have had me fired, as I worked around live explosives.
I remember during one of the early days, John just punching into me asking about 13seconds. What had happened was that John had written down my exact total call time on a notepad and then had checked it with the record after I had spent a day at work and there had been 13 seconds different. I had been on the phone checking my bank for 13 seconds.
I was not allowed to use my mobile for anything other than talking to him. So I kept a secret sim card that I had sticky taped to the bottom of a cupboard. He never found it. And if I finished work before him I would have to sit in the car park for hours waiting for him. (My car but he had the keys). I would also have to go to work hours early and just wait because he had started early. I was spending a total of 19 hours at work. 14 of these hours I was working.
For three months I was not allowed to go to the toilet without him or a got bashed. I was not allowed to shower without him and I was raped over and over. I would hold to do number 2's at work because I was too embarrassed to do them in front of him. And I would try to occupy myself with housework so that I had no time to be bored around him. At night time he would lay practically on top of me and I hated it. I spent all day feeling ill.
John was on night shift once when I had the night off. I went to bed early and was woken to being punched in the throat. It had been raining all night and apparently the car and driveway showed that I had been out. I tried telling John that the driveway was made out of stones that when driven on all the time changed colour to the rest and that they werent dry but that they were just a different colour. I got bashed again that night and he even grabbed a kitchen knife and sliced my upper leg three times. The next morning he noticed that the car hadnt moved and that in fact the stones were just a different colour. I got no apology.
The night that I cracked came after three months of extreme abuse and humiliation. I had just finished 15hours of work when I arrived home to John telling me we were going to the pub. We went to the pub and he asked me to go with him to pick a song on the juke box. He leaned over and bit my neck so hard blood started flowing down my neck. Apparently he had over heard someone ask me how my job was going and thought that I had been talking to people behind his back. Truth was that it was a small community of about 300 people and I had been working before John had even flown down. He spent the night grabbing my hand really tightly and pinching me. Eventually we started walking home were he started yelling at me because he wanted to go to a house party but I just wanted to sleep.
We made it to the house and he started hitting into me again. Before I knew it I had grabbed his steel capped work boot and was hitting into his head. That enraged him and I fled out of the front door and ran back to the pub where I told three of my male friends that John was the guy who had given me the black eyes and they drove me straight back to the house and confronted him. My neighbour was an ex-policeman and called the police. John spent the time before the police arrived trying to tell my neighbour that it was all me. My neighbour told him to *** off. I grabbed all of John's things and piled them into his suitcase. I then grabbed 12 cans of red Pulse (alcoholic drink) and I poured them all through his bag.
The police arrived and drove him into town. I made a statement a week later and a Western Australia warrant was put out on John (who flew back to NT). I was so scared to sleep that night because I couldn't lock the door and I had no idea that John was driven into town. I took a pillow and blanket and locked myself into my cupboard. The next day I got phone calls and text messages from john telling me that I had to give him all my money and then sit in the gutter across from his hotel until he forgave me. No way.
I was so scared that I left my house and stayed at my ex-husbands. I never went back to my house. My ex-husband moved all my belongings out and I lived with my ex-husband.
18 months later Karma caught up with John and he was killed in a car accident.
I hope that my story can help someone. I should have involved other people. I should have told someone. But I didnt. I was scared and ashamed. I was made to believe that it was my fault but it wasnt.
John gave me post traumatic stress syndrom and it destroyed my life for thee years before I was able to move on. Even now I get scared in certain situations and I am petrified when things are near my face. Even when my children show me a picture by putting it right in my face. I don't even put my face under the shower or water in the pool or beach.
There are many triggers in life that remind me of John. But it is about knowing that John was the one in the wrong and that I had done nothing to deserve what I got.
I wish that I had gotten justice but I guess in the end I did.
